I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
