The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
