Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
