so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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