i already hear my dad disowning me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
