after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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