It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
