Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize