I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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