remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
