I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize