that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
