My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
