girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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