Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
