Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize