watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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