All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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