all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
