Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
