Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
