im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
