ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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