It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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