Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize