i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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