I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
