I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
