Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
