u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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