I didn't shave. On purpose
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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