He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
