When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
