did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
