Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
