It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
