she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
