I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
