i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize