He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
