Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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