I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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