I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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