I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
