Can Purell be used as lube?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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