I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
