Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize