if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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