the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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