How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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