Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
