Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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