I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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