During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize