While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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