I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
