? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
