That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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