So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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