dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
