Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
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