You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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