It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
