omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
