Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
