I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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