I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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