Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
